Working with the impossible, finding what is

© Ann-Marie Stillion, 2010

Yesterday was a difficult day. I learned that a long time client is taking a different direction and no longer needs my services. It was an organization which really meant a lot to me at one time, but time and personnel changes made it difficult to continue being excited about helping them, and they felt that. Recently, I have gone through several situations which weren’t quite right for me in terms of business and the direction I am heading. Like shaking off sleep or rain on my shoulders, I feel that I must become more honest with myself and my clients about what I need, and the process has not always been easy.

When I woke up this morning I realized that I was at that place of no choice. There is no choice except to evaluate, sort and make decisions on next steps both in my projects for others and the projects I am working on for myself.

I want to become more transparent in my business dealings and in my life, but I also need to keep other people’s feelings in the foreground. I don’t want to piss people off, even if sometimes telling the truth about a direction just might accomplish that. Being silent is not an option but I don’t want to become a sharing machine either.

I also began the serious steps towards possibly building my own studio space. It has become increasingly clear that here in Seattle at least, finding adequate studio space which meets even the minimum requirement is almost like asking for the moon. It is shocking to me something as simple as a big room and some basic needs like a decent light and walls could be so hard to find. And yet, it is.

First thing in the morning I met with the creator of 57 Biscayne and heard in much detail how that space was created. Excited, I began to realize that what I think I am creating is going to take me to places I have never been before and I felt nervous, lashing out at the smallest problem and forgetting the details of the day.

So it goes. I intend to try to balance out the impossible with what is and see what happens.

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